Forgiving Deep Down

You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. Genesis 50:20 (NLT)

The other day during a Bible Study, we started talking about forgiveness. One person shared that they had someone in their life they forgave, but they were struggling with feelings about it that kept popping up. It felt like they were burying those feelings. You know, intellectually forgiving but not really forgiving deep down?

I suggested that they take all of those deep down buried feelings and talk to God about them. Tell Him how they felt - really felt - not hiding anything. God knew already so He wasn’t going to be surprised. God meets us in our real selves, not in our facades.

The next morning during my worship, I decided to take my own advice and talk to God about someone I had forgiven. I said to him “While all of that was really painful, I know you used it for good and it actually turned out to be a good thing.” Today’s Bible text popped into my mind. Joseph said the same thing to his brothers. They were so afraid he had not really forgiven them, they lied to him thinking he would take revenge on them now that their dad had died.

I pondered. Joseph went through a lot more than I did. His life was really horrible as a slave and then a prisoner for so many years. What made Joseph totally, deep down forgive them and not hold any hard feelings toward his brothers? And why did he cry? Did he cry because he was overwhelmed at God’s goodness? Did he cry because after all of these years they couldn’t see he truly loved them? Did he cry because the grace of God lived in his heart and he hurt for them? Truly, Joseph’s heart was full of love for his brothers. That love only came from God.

I prayed about this some more and a few days later realized that the reason Joseph could acknowledge God’s plan in spite of his horrible situation was because he knew and trusted God. He leaned on Him the entire time he was on that journey and he saw first-hand how God had worked it out. And then I realized that this is the only reason I can forgive. I saw what God did with that very bad situation and realized that even while it was painful and it hurt, God used it for His glory. He used it to grow me and in the midst of that really hard thing, He changed me. He grew me to know and trust Him more.

I know walking through life’s pain, especially when it is inflicted by someone you know and love, is really hard. I know forgiving is hard. But I also know that it becomes a lot easier when we trust that God will work it out. He will use it. He will love and grow us through it. And I believe that it is only through our knowledge of Him, our relationship with Him, that we can like Joseph say “God worked it all out. It’s OK.” and truly mean it.

Master Planner

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” Proverbs‬ ‭16:9‬ (‭NIV)‬‬

I think I’ve told you before that I am a planner. I remember when my kids were teenagers they’d suggest something they wanted to do and I’d say “We can’t do that today. We have this planned.” My son got into the habit of saying “Well, let’s just do what yyooouuuu want to do” emphasizing the ‘you’ to make his point.

As I look back, I think I was pretty rigid with my plans. I made them. We did them and I didn’t like it when they changed. I look at my life now and marvel. Somehow, even though my tendencies are to want to plan and stick with the plan, my life has not turned out like that.

Right now, I am working on a project at work that constantly changes. I’ll have meetings scheduled for it and they may or may not happen. We are planting a church and so far most of it has been me asking God “What’s the next step?” The overall impression I am getting is that for this, we are doing it one step at a time. One step, when He’s ready. Not a lot of advance planning.

Don’t get me wrong. Planning is not a bad thing. I still plan. What I think I am learning is to not worship the plan but the Master Planner. I am learning that no matter what I plan, if God interrupts it, His plan is always better than mine.

There are days when my schedule is packed so tight, I can’t imagine how it’s going to work. He intervenes and things cancel or they move. I breathe a sigh of relief. Other days things happen that are very stressful. I don’t like it. Both days I try to look up and say “It’s your day. What do you want to do?”

I’m still not great at being flexible with the plan but I’m learning. Each day I pray and say “Let’s just do what YYYOOOOUUUU want to do.” And I mean it.

What's Your Witness?

Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. 1 John 3:18 (NLT)

Recently in Bible Study we were doing a topical study on what the Bible says about our witness. What are we supposed to do? How we are supposed to do it?

During the conversation it became really clear that God says our witness is our life. People see Jesus by our actions (or non-actions).  We share Jesus by living a life of love, acceptance, with the fruits of the Spirit alive and well in our every day. We talked about how witnessing wasn’t just about sharing Biblical facts but about sharing your personal story of Jesus.

I’m going to tell on myself a little here. During the time I shared a story about “how not to witness.” It was something I saw once that I didn’t like. That took us down the path of how God can use any efforts, even if they are misguided and how what I may think is a good witness may not be a good witness to someone else. He uses us all where we are to meet the needs of others where they are.

As we were praying at the end, I heard God say “if your witness is your life and your actions, how were you witnessing when you were sharing that story?” BAM! God’s lightbulb highlighted the error of my ways. You see, here I was talking about how I didn’t think you should witness and criticizing someone else’s witness...which caused me to wreck my own witness.

If my witness is my actions, the way I live my life and show love to others, criticizing someone else does not highlight Jesus. It highlights my opinion. The lesson I learned? It’s really easy to think we have it all figured out when in fact, we don’t. We are all in this together doing the best that we can. We should respect each other and see each other through the lens of Jesus’ heart. The only witness I need to worry about is my own and obviously, I need Jesus to help me with that every day.

Smiling Eyes

And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:3 (NIV)

Just after the holidays I had to go to the airport to pick someone up. They were flying in from an international trip. Not sure if you’ve ever had to wait outside customs for someone coming into the US but it usually takes a while.

The place wasn’t very full which is understandable with COVID. There is less air travel so less people waiting to pick someone up. I sat for a minute. Then I got up and stood by the railing. As I was standing there, I was watching people, looking at my phone and trying to not be bored. The time to get through customs varies. Sometimes it is really fast and sometimes it can take an hour or more. You have to show up wearing your patience.

As I was looking at my phone, I heard a high pitched squeal. I looked up to see a young girl running to someone and jumping on them. She was so delighted. You couldn’t help but smile. A short time later, I heard another squeal and again a young girl ran around the bannisters shouting “Papi! Papi!” as she jumped into his arms.

The excitement and delight in their squeals of joy was contagious. It made me wonder why we don’t do more of that. When we see someone we love, do they know we are super excited to see them? When we great a friend can they see the joy in our eyes letting them know we are happy to be together? When we live together as families, when a family member walks into the house, do we stop what we are doing to go greet them? I bet all of this happens less than it should.

As I stood there and pondered this, I remembered that Jesus said that we should be like little children. They are so delighted in the small things and everything is special. I wondered why I don’t do this more.

I seriously contemplated jumping up and down and squealing when the two young men I was picking up came into the waiting area. Then I remember that they are 15 and I think they would be so embarrassed the effort would have backfired. I did walk up and hug them and tell them I was glad they were home.

During this time of COVID, we don’t see each other enough and when we do go out, we see each other behind masks. But guess what? When you are truly smiling, your eyes smile too. Maybe we could also make it a point to smile with our eyes at everyone we meet. We all need extra love right now. Let’s love like little children.

Blessed When It Doesn't Feel Like it

“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.” Matthew 5:3 (MSG)

A few years ago God allowed a journey that took me to the end of my rope. There was a hiccup in the business, actually, it was more than a hiccup. It was a traumatic event that left me wondering if we were going to have to close….for good. I laid people off. I wasn’t getting paid. I had bills to pay.

In my panic, all I could do was pray “Please help me.” I was so numb from the events that took place that I couldn’t even think through a plan...except to pray “Please help me.” It was during that time that God said “Wait.” When you have bills to pay and no money, waiting doesn’t sound like the best plan. As a matter of fact, it sounds downright ludicrous. My logical mind said, “If I can do something about this, I should.” But He was very persistent and the message was always the same. Wait.

So, I told him I would wait as long as he provided. And He did. For a year and a half. For eighteen months I did not get paid but, every month money showed up in all sorts of miraculous ways.

You know what I did for that year and a half? I prayed and asked him to please send work so I could make money again. Finally, I guess I got tired of praying that prayer and I said “You have been providing all this time. I’m not praying that prayer any more. Do what you want.” And I let it go. I think it was at that moment that I was at the end of my rope.

The release and the peace I experienced at that moment was palpable. I can’t help but wonder if that’s what being blessed feels like when you get to the end of your rope. The assurance that God’s got this. The knowledge that He is there and that no matter what He decides will be fine with me. Even if it’s hard.

Another amazing thing that happened during those eighteen months was that He called me to ministry. There was definitely less of me and more of God at the end. I am so very thankful He took me on that journey.

Not This Year

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV)

I have never really enjoyed New Year’s. When I was younger, I would go out and celebrate but to me, it is kind of a silly holiday. What was the point in celebrating a new year when everything stayed the same? Nothing really changes. You celebrate this new beginning but you wake up and it’s the same thing, different day.

I know this sounds rather cynical but that’s where my head was.

Until this year.

In 2020, it felt like a lot of things fell apart. COVID hit. People got sick, some didn’t make it, many lost their jobs. We began social distancing, isolating and living in fear....of each other. The social climate also exploded. There was a lot of violence, riots, protests and hate. I dislike saying that but it is true. Layer on top of that the politics. I live in the Washington DC area. That’s all you hear about on the news. The negativity reached new levels this year. I stopped watching the news on TV.

All of that, was what summed up 2020 for so many people and I am sure I am not adequately putting into words the pain and trauma so many people faced.

But God....In 2020, I saw God move in more ways than I have ever seen Him move. I know He is always moving and working and doing something but this year, I saw it more clearly than ever before. I watched Him convict hearts, change people, and change me. We planted a church in 2020, virtually, in the middle of a pandemic (who said God doesn’t have a sense of humor). I saw him lead people on journeys that changed their lives. I saw people healed from sickness. And I watched people hold on to the truths in His Word and submit their lives to His authority. He showed up in dreams and visions.  He spoke clearly to people who were searching for Him and led them to steps of faith that they never thought they could do. He answered many, many prayers.

New Year’s rolled around just like it always has but this year, I celebrated. I celebrated what God did in 2020 and I am celebrating what He will do in 2021. When I woke up on January 1, things were pretty much the same as they were when I went to sleep…..except for one thing. My typical New Year’s attitude was gone.

In its place was an excitement. I am excited to see what God is going to do in 2021. I can’t wait to see Him move. I look forward to being blown away by how much he loves us and the many different ways He shows us.

I know I will see Him again in 2021. Why? Because just like in 2020, I will be focused on Him and what He is doing. I will be asking Him what He wants from me and I am going to join Him in the adventure.

Happy New Year’s everyone! I pray God shows up in your life in a real and tangible way. Look for Him. I know you will find Him.

The Promise

“After King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon exiled Jehoiachin son of Jehoiakim, king of Judah, to Babylon along with the officials of Judah and all the craftsmen and artisans, the Lord gave me this vision. I saw two baskets of figs placed in front of the Lord’s Temple in Jerusalem. One basket was filled with fresh, ripe figs, while the other was filled with bad figs that were too rotten to eat. Then the Lord said to me, “What do you see, Jeremiah?” I replied, “Figs, some very good and some very bad, too rotten to eat.” “Then the Lord gave me this message:”

“This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: The good figs represent the exiles I sent from Judah to the land of the Babylonians. I will watch over and care for them, and I will bring them back here again. I will build them up and not tear them down. I will plant them and not uproot them. I will give them hearts that recognize me as the Lord. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me wholeheartedly.” Jeremiah 24:1-7 NLT

This vision of Jeremiah was about the people being captured and taken into exile. That was a horrible event. The city was burning, people were dying and they were being taken captive to live in a land of people that did not worship God.

When reading this I expected God to tell Jeremiah that the bad figs were the ones taken into captivity. It’s always better to be free right? You can live where you want to live, do what you want to do. But that was precisely the problem. The people of Israel were doing what they wanted to do and what they wanted to do was contrary to what God wanted for them.

God tells Jeremiah that the good figs are the ones being taken into captivity. He says these are the people He was going to look after. Sounds counter intuitive doesn’t it? We think and we say out loud that when bad things happen God can’t be controlling it. We express our disbelief when the events of the world don’t go the way we want them to go. We ask in our hearts, even if we don’t say it out loud, where is He?

But we are forgetting.....we are forgetting that God’s ways are different than ours. If we followed the logic that says when bad things happen God is not involved, then we would have to totally discount the birth of Jesus. Mary and Joseph went through quite a few unpleasant situations. How would you like to deliver your baby in a barn? How would you feel if the life of your child was threatened just because he was the right age? Not to mention the shame and humiliation they suffered because Mary “got pregnant” out of wedlock. They suffered to fulfill God’s promise of a Savior.

And fast forward to the cross. Before Jesus was crucified, the people welcomed him as the Messiah. There was a parade and crowds were honoring and worshipping him. How fast the tides turned. Pretty soon he was being arrested, his faithful followers fled and he was pronounced guilty. Then, he was crucified. To the human eye, this looked like a failure. Defeat.

But it wasn’t. It was our beginning. We can’t look at what is happening in the world, in our lives, and determine that God is not in control. We cannot assume He is not good and that He is not working because what we see doesn’t “look” right. The Promise is alive and well. That Promise is Jesus.

I suspect as humanity continues down this path of doing what we want, when we want, just like the Israelites did, there will be more tragedy, more sickness, more hate. Will you make decisions about God based on what’s happening all around you or will you stand firm because you know who God is? Will you hold on to the Promise and remember that God’s Plan is perfect?

God wants most of all is to be in a relationship with us. He wants to be our God and for us to be His people. Will you hold onto Him? Will you hold on to the Promise?

For I am about to do something new.
    See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
    I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. Isaiah 43:19

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Listening Like a Sheep

2 But the one who enters through the gate is the shepherd of the sheep. 3 The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep recognize his voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4 After he has gathered his own flock, he walks ahead of them, and they follow him because they know his voice. John 10:2-4 (NLT)

Last night during Called2Be’s (church plant) meeting, we talked about recognizing God’s voice. Fabulous discussion. We spent a lot of time on today’s text. This morning, as I was revisiting this conversation, I realized I didn’t have a thought process for what it looks like for sheep to come to the shepherd.

I don’t have sheep. I don’t actually know anyone who has sheep. But, I’ve had dogs. Specifically, I am thinking of Angel (a Doberman). She had this uncanny way of knowing when Nick was almost home. If Nick was out, before he even turned into the neighborhood, she would hear his car. Her radar was always up. She was always listening for that sound and when she heard it, she’d go stand by the door.

My son’s dog, Doctor, does the same thing. With one difference. When he hears my son’s car, he goes and looks out the window and starts bounding around the house, whimpering excitedly while running back and forth.

This is what I think it looks like to listen for God’s voice. No matter what we are doing, our ears should be tuned toward Him. And when we hear something that even remotely sounds like His voice, we should check it out. We should move toward it so we can hear better and spend some time focusing on what we are being told.

God speaks to us where we are. He also has a bazillion ways to communicate with us. That’s why we have to be especially attentive. If we are looking for him to speak to us in only one way, we may miss it.

So maybe today, while we are doing whatever we do, we can wait expectantly, trusting that He is there and He is going to speak. And when we hear Him, we should jump up and down and get excited because the God of the Universe just reached down to be in relationship with us.