Remaining

Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. John 15:4 (NLT)

My husband and I were going away for the weekend to celebrate our anniversary. I’d been traveling for 3 weeks and we decided we needed some time away. A family member opened up their home by a beautiful lake for us to use so we decided to take food with us to eat at the house. The morning we were going to leave, we decided to go to the grocery store.

We walked in and were shocked. Quite a few of the tables that normally were laden with fruits and veges were bare. Most of the staples we buy were not to be found. It was pretty disconcerting. As we walked around the store, we noticed the same in the frozen vegetable isle, the bread isle, etc. We adjusted and bought some other things and were on our way.

As I said, I had been traveling for 3 weeks so we were running low on some essentials. Don’t laugh but toilet paper was one of them. We were hearing all the stories of people hoarding toilet paper. Hard to believe during a situation like this that that’s what people are focusing on. Anyway, we were in the country so we decided to look there to see if what we experienced was just a “city” thing or a phenomena all over. We tried a couple of stores and they had food, but no toilet paper. LOL!

I am not going to even try to figure out the psychology behind that. I was however trying to figure out what I was feeling in my own head. I am finding this whole experience disturbing. In America, most of us have more than enough. Some of us have more than enough in our pantries to keep us fed for a long time. Yet, we are so fearful of being without. Granted, there are people who are not in that situation….and I bet they are not the ones in the stores hoarding food. As I said, disturbing.

As I prayed about it, I heard God say “Remain in me.” We are branches connected to the Vine of Jesus Christ. We need to stay connected all the time. During scary, disconcerting times. During hard times of sickness or job loss. During times of abundance and times of lean. During happy times where we get to celebrate good things. We always need to stay connected so we can, no matter what our circumstances, share the Jesus we know.

Nick and I have made a decision that we will share what we have during this time, no matter what. Even if we think we don’t have enough, we are going to be Jesus with skin on. We are going to reach out our neighbors and folks we know to make sure they are doing OK. We are asking God to show us how to help where we can. There are a lot of people trying to do this.

I think the harder thing is to really stay connected. To trust that God’s got this and he is in it with us. To trust that no matter what is changing in our lives, no matter how upside down it feels that we are still in the care of a loving Father. Remain. Stay connected. No matter what.

You Want Us Why?

Anyone who is joined to Christ is a new being; the old is gone, the new has come. All this is done by God, who through Christ changed us from enemies into his friends and gave us the task of making others his friends also. Our message is that God was making all human beings his friends through Christ. God did not keep an account of their sins, and he has given us the message which tells how he makes them his friends. Here we are, then, speaking for Christ, as though God himself were making his appeal through us. We plead on Christ's behalf: let God change you from enemies into his friends! 2 Corinthians 5:17-20 (GNT)

One of the projects I was working on was supposed to end at the end of the month. I joined late and was working with the team to move it to completion. As time clicked by, the customer decided they wanted to extend the project. There were some complications that needed to be ironed out and they wanted to safely get to the roll out without a lot of disruption.

I talked to the head of the project (Project A) and told him I needed to roll off. I had another commitment (Project B) scheduled at the beginning of the next month and would not be able to focus my time on this particular adventure any more. He suggested I stay and attend some meetings to help out. I said I would as long as I could. 

As Project B ramped up, my schedule became more and more full. One day, I was sitting in on a meeting in Project A and there were some things said that made me pause. I really couldn’t speak into Project A anymore. I wasn’t around enough. As they had meetings and made decisions, I could not provide input, especially if I wasn’t there. Then I started thinking about my reputation. Folks knew I was added to the team to help course correct and while the team was doing an incredible job, I began to worry about what would happen if the project went south for some reason. Would people still respect my work if my name were inadvertently still tied to it?

I was explaining all this to my husband and suddenly it hit me....I’m so glad God doesn’t think this way. We are here, doing his work and sometimes we give him a say...sometimes we don’t. I know sometimes I don’t represent him well. I may want to say all the things I know God wants but my heart betrays me and I stumble and mis-represent him. 

The Bible is pretty clear that we are here to glorify God. And that God wants us to participate in sharing Jesus with folks. And he lets us....even though sometimes I wonder if he cringes when we say and do the stuff we say and do. What kind of God would love us so much that he allows us to mess up, involve him in our mess and still invite us to participate in the story? 

Recognizing all this makes my heart overwhelmed. It makes me want to figure out a way to do this job I have been given better.....but I can’t on my own. Jesus needs to be calling the shots. He needs to be guiding my footsteps and he certainly needs to be in charge of making my decisions. I can’t do what my heart desires on my own. Only through staying connected to Jesus can I give God the glory he deserves.

Dear Jesus, help me to live today, listening for your voice, following your lead as you lead us in this big Adventure! Amen

The Best Provision

Finally Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not allow this conflict to come between us or our herdsmen. After all, we are close relatives!  The whole countryside is open to you. Take your choice of any section of the land you want, and we will separate. If you want the land to the left, then I’ll take the land on the right. If you prefer the land on the right, then I’ll go to the left.”  Lot took a long look at the fertile plains of the Jordan Valley in the direction of Zoar. The whole area was well watered everywhere, like the garden of the Lord or the beautiful land of Egypt. (This was before the Lord destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah.)  Lot chose for himself the whole Jordan Valley to the east of them. He went there with his flocks and servants and parted company with his uncle Abram.  So Abram settled in the land of Canaan, and Lot moved his tents to a place near Sodom and settled among the cities of the plain.  But the people of this area were extremely wicked and constantly sinned against the Lord. After Lot had gone, the Lord said to Abram, “Look as far as you can see in every direction—north and south, east and west.  I am giving all this land, as far as you can see, to you and your descendants as a permanent possession.  And I will give you so many descendants that, like the dust of the earth, they cannot be counted!  Go and walk through the land in every direction, for I am giving it to you.” So Abram moved his camp to Hebron and settled near the oak grove belonging to Mamre. There he built another altar to the Lord. Genesis 13:8-18 (NLT)

Abraham moved away from this home. He took everything he had. And he took Lot and all he had. Lot’s father had passed away so Abraham kind of adopted him.

As their flocks grew, quarreling broke out between their workers so Abraham suggested they separate their households to make things easier. Now Abraham, being older should have been the one to choose where he wanted to settle. it was his right as the eldest. But he didn’t. He asked Lot to choose. And Lot looked around at the fertile fields of the Jordan Valley and picked that space.

Abraham said OK. You take that. Lot took what he thought was the best. Abraham didn’t say anything. He didn’t strive to take care of himself. Instead, he served to take care of Lot.

I wonder as God watched what he thought. Was he sad because Lot looked at the best fields and chose that instead of looking out for Abraham? Was he proud of Abraham for putting others first?

Lot moves out and God moved in. He came to Abraham and said “Abraham, look as far as you can see. It’s all yours. I am giving this to you.” And Abraham worshiped. Lot moved to an area that was full of wickedness and later would lose everything.

No matter how hard we strive, no matter how much we work to take care of ourselves. It is not what we get that matters. It’s what God gives us that makes all the difference. God may not give us everything as far as we can see, but he will provide. What he provides for each of us is different; different yet perfect. Perfect for us. And his gifts, no matter what they are far outweigh anything we can accumulate on our own.

Living Messy

Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. 1 John 4:7-12 (NLT)

Lately, I haven’t been writing on this blog as much. I am not really sure why that is but I think part of is it is that life has become so overwhelming. Not in a bad way. Overwhelmingly full with God directing all the goings on. There are so many moving parts, so much God is saying. I am trying to say focused on what he is doing and what he is telling me to do.....The journey is amazing and I’m loving it. But to try to put it into words sometimes overwhelms me.

As you know, I started the process to plant a church. And I am still working my day job. There are lots of terms for this: bivocation and covocation.. All of those mean different things but I like dual vocational because honestly, you are going head on in what feels like two different directions at once. Crazy also fits some days.

My day job has suddenly picked up. A LOT. And I have been working on the church plant. Then, there is life. Family which I adore. Wash to be done, bills to be paid, groceries to be purchased and the distinct call God has placed on all of our lives to reach out to people and love them where ever he directs that day. This is what I am learning is living a life called to serve Jesus. It’s not organized. It can seem very chaotic and honestly, some days it feels like a whirlwind where you are managing many completely different things as the same time.

Here’s the problem. I am a very task oriented person. While God has been teaching me to be more people oriented than task oriented over the years when I get busy, guess what I revert back to?

A week or so ago, I got really frustrated because something wasn’t working as efficiently as it should. I was talking to God about it and complaining and in general venting about the lack of communication and the problems it caused. In my venting, I usually get around to asking him about my part in this play. As I did, he asked me a question.

Were the lives of the people I used in the Bible efficient and well put together? Or were they messy? Are there any God stories that you know that involve people that run like a well-oiled machine? Including yours? 

And there was my “ah ha” moment. God is a God of order. I know that. But he is also a God that loves people. More than anything. My tendency to want things to work well, flow smoothly and be communicated fully is fine. They are good traits to have but, never at the expense of people. 

Above all else, we need to love each other. It is only in demonstrating that love are we are going to show Jesus’ love to a world that can’t see it (both in and out of the church by the way.)

I am still a messy work in progress and thank God, he is still using me. You see no matter how efficient I am, no matter how well I can make a project run (that’s my day job), compared to Jesus, I am still a mess. And his grace covers me. That knowledge should totally change the way I live my life and the focus of my days.

Not Of This World But In It

“Now I am coming to you. I told them many things while I was with them in this world so they would be filled with my joy. I have given them your word. And the world hates them because they do not belong to the world, just as I do not belong to the world. I’m not asking you to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one. They do not belong to this world any more than I do. Make them holy by your truth; teach them your word, which is truth. Just as you sent me into the world, I am sending them into the world. And I give myself as a holy sacrifice for them so they can be made holy by your truth. “I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message. John 17:13-20 (NLT)

Recently, I heard two stories that really bothered me. One was a post on Facebook by a friend who was sitting in a parking lot on the phone and a man drove up next to her, revealed himself in a lewd way and then drove off. It was a horrifying experience.

Then, a few days later on the news there was a story about a woman on a plane who woke up to a man groping her. The news said that the instance of women being groped on planes had increased 66% over the last three years.

As I sat there and watched the news, thoughts started creeping into my head. I am starting to travel more and these reports disturbed me. And I thought “I think I should just stay home more. Maybe if I don’t go out, I can avoid this horrible stuff.”

And then I realized that was exactly what Satan wanted me to think. If I shrink back from being in the world because I am afraid, he has won. 

Jesus is sending us into the world to make a difference. He is sending us to be a light in a dark place, salt to a world that is tasteless. We are to go and trust that God will be in every minute....even the scary and offensive ones. 

I am deeply disturbed for all the people who are experiencing the depravity of a world that has lost sight of God. I pray for the safety of everyone I know all the time. But God’s Word is clear. We cannot withdraw from what we are called to do. 

We have to engage. We have to “Go” and be Jesus here. We will only do that if we trust that God is bigger, stronger and present. He is present in a dying world because we “Go.”

Reset

Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path. Psalm 119:105 (NLT)

Lately, I’ve found myself really busy. My day job has amped up in activity and my other job of living life for Jesus has done the same. I say there are two jobs when in reality, it is one job. My job is to live my life with all the activity in it for Jesus. 

Frequently, we compartmentalize our lives. We have our families, our jobs and our spiritual walk but we keep them separate. It’s no wonder we can’t see God moving. If we keep spiritual things in a spiritual box, how do we expect to see God moving in our circumstances or in the lives of the people we live life with?

Whether I am attending meetings with hundreds (not kidding here) of people or I’m standing at a sink washing dishes, it’s all a life with Jesus filtered through it. If I am leading a Bible Study or working through a schedule with a team for a deployment, it’s all God’s work. 

And when we see it that way, God gets free reign to move as he wants whether it be in work conversations or in a family member resting because I am doing dishes. God wants to be a part of all of it, not just a one day a week event.

So how do you live life keeping God at the center? For me, it’s my morning reset. Each morning I get up and spend time with Jesus. What I do isn’t so important....and that changes day to day depending on how I feel, but each day I come. And I reset.

I reset from thinking about my list of things to do to the people I will see that day. I get a reset from worrying about a particular problem to remembering that God is in charge of it all and he’s got this. I reset from looking at my overly full calendar to a mindset that this day belongs to Jesus and it will be what he wants it to be so I can let go. Mostly, I reset knowing I am loved and a part of a much bigger plan. I get to look at each day with excitement waiting to see what God is going to do. 

Resetting my human agenda to God’s agenda is how I can keep the messy life I live centered with one purpose.....a Jesus purpose.

All In

Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?” I said, “Here I am. Send me.” Isaiah 6:8 (NLT)

I’ve been thinking about Isaiah lately and this verse. Isaiah’s ministry was not easy. He had to go to a corrupt nation and tell them they were corrupt and they needed to change how they did things. He predicted their destruction. He predicted that nations would conquer them and to make matters worse, they thought these nations were more evil than they were. It wasn’t an easy job. Imagine trying to do this today?

But I don’t think Isaiah looked at that when he volunteered. He came face to face with the Holy One of Israel and he was changed. You see, when you come face to face with Jesus, when you get to know him and understand deep in your soul what he has done for you, something happens to you. In the depths of your being you are changed and suddenly, the things you thought were important aren’t important any more. The things you focused on become blurry and the things God wants you to see become prominent.

There is a pull inside you that draws you to a different list of accomplishments, to a different set of values, to a different definition of success. And while you know that this definition will not resonate with most people, it’s okay. Because you no longer want to satisfy anyone else but God.

This is what happened to Isaiah when he came face to face with the Holy One of Israel. He had no choice but to volunteer because he was so overcome with who God was, nothing else mattered. This is still happening. All around there are people who are saying to Jesus, “I’ll do anything. Send me.”

This is what discipleship is all about. It is not about a technique. It is not about a program. It is not about trying something new because you are tired of the old. It’s about digging deeper into your relationship with Jesus because you know there is so much more to this life than what you thought. It’s about being so overcome with love for Jesus that you say “Here I am. What do you want me to do? Send me.”

"What if" Fears

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Jeremiah 29:11 (ESV)

Almost three years ago, God began to rock my world. I don’t mean that I just got to know him. He had whispered to me many years before and I considered myself a Christ follower. So did the people who knew me which is very funny if you knew my backstory…..but that’s another blog post.

I did want to know Jesus and I did follow him. And I kept asking him to know him more. I did really want that. And I guess, he decided to answer.

In mid-2016, the bottom fell out of my business. Along with that, the bottom fell out of my bank account as well. There is so much to that story, I could write a book. As I was stumbling along trying to figure this out, God kept saying “Trust me.”

In March 2017, my Pastor and friend asked me to go with her to a spiritual conference. I thought “Well, I’m not really working right now. I don’t have anything else to do so why not.” And I went. During that conference I felt God call. What does that mean? God spoke so loudly that he had something for me to do that I broke down sobbing when it happened. I cried through the rest of the day. Now, for those that don’t know me, I do cry but I don’t usually sob. In public. Uncontrollably.

People said God was calling me to pastor. I totally disagreed with that because just like I don’t typically sob, I’m also not your typical pastor material. I don’t say that in a derogatory way. Pastors are supposed to be gentle and not so opinionated (at least out loud.) Gentle and not opinionated are not usually used to describe me.

I was willing to say that God called me. But I was not willing to say to what. But that’s OK. God didn’t care. He just kept growing me, changing me and leading me into this calling of his. My job wasn’t to be able to describe it, it was to just keep walking the journey.

When people referred to me as a Pastor, I internally balked. I am not pastor material. But I kept walking toward whatever this calling was. Fast forward a few years. Lots of time spent with God, him growing, me walking (sometimes it felt like crawling (backwards)), training, reading and letting people speak into my life. And all of a sudden God said, “It’s time.”

We are planting a discipleship based church. And I am the church plant Pastor. It has taken a lot for me to write this post. I think this is why I haven’t written for a while. Because I knew I was supposed to write this and I couldn’t. I couldn’t because “what if?” What if I mess it up? What if this wasn’t my calling? I don’t know how to do this. My brain filled with “what if” fears.

Then God said. You can’t do it. Only I can. Look at me. Keep spending time with me and I will use you exactly the way I planned.

There is still a long journey ahead. And there is still part of me that wants to say that this is not the plan and something else will come up. But, in spite of the fact that I don’t believe this about myself, apparently, God is working.

And that is the really cool thing about God. If you can imagine it, put the plan in place and get it done, it was probably your plan and not God’s. If you look at it and think that is impossible and totally unbelievable, God was probably in it. The only thing to be afraid of then is that you start relying on your own strength.

I wrote this post because 1) God told me to and 2) because I want to be able to share what he’s doing. It’s exciting and terrifying at the same time. How cool is that? I also wanted to ask for your prayers. They are definitely needed and would be greatly appreciated.