Bear with each other, and forgive each other. If someone does wrong to you, forgive that person because the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13 (NCV)
We had known each other a long time. We’d worked together and I believe, our work relationship had grown into a friendship. This couple that I considered friends were good people. I thought. A few years ago, they made a choice that hurt me financially and emotionally. During this process, they didn’t call to explain. We didn’t have any conversations. Immediately and abruptly, the relationship was severed as they made choices that would negatively impact my life - all in the name of business.
As I journeyed through those years, trying to get back on my feet, I prayed to forgive. It didn’t happen immediately but I eventually got to the point where I intellectually said I forgave them. I reasoned that God is in control of everything and truthfully, this journey grew my walk with God in ways nothing else could.
Recently, God revealed to me that I had not completely forgiven them. In my head I could say I did but my heart was not 100% following along. When I heard there names, my head would understand where it needed to be but my deep down self was not as compliant.
There was still a root in there that I have not addressed. There is still hurt and some anger leftover. And God says this cannot be. God tells us (many times) in the Bible to forgive. We need to forgive because we have been forgiven for so very much. But mostly, I think, we need to forgive to be free of that weight that holds us down.
Do you know how I know I have not totally surrendered this to Jesus? I know because when I think of them I don’t see two children of God who Jesus loves so desperately. My heart doesn’t ache for them to know Jesus. Instead, I see two people who are on the wrong path. Sure. I pray for them but mostly I pray for me. I pray that God will help me forgive.
When I have forgiven someone, the negative burden I feel lifts. I begin to see them as someone Jesus heart aches for and I want nothing more than for them to know him. And my prayers follow that with pleas to God that he will reach their hearts.
So, I am back to the beginning. I am facing this thing that happened but with a different goal. I don’t want to get to the place where as a Christian I can say I did what God asks. I want to get to the place where I actually am doing what God asks. Only the transforming power of Jesus can do this in me. I just need to surrender and stop trying to do it on my own.