“I’m speechless, in awe—words fail me.
I should never have opened my mouth!
I’ve talked too much, way too much.
I’m ready to shut up and listen.”Job 40:3-5 (MSG)
A couple of years ago, I was waiting on God to show up and solve a problem in my life. I had been praying and the answers to the prayers always seemed to say “Wait.” In the midst of the waiting, things took a turn for the worse. We received bad news that was going to take the problem to a deeper level of distress.
I looked up at God and said “What are you doing? Don’t you understand that this makes things worse?” I wish I could say I stopped there but I yelled at God. I cried and I whined. After I finished my little tantrum, I asked God for help.
As time went on, it became clear that the ‘turn for the worse’ actually was exactly what needed to happen for things to work out. What seemed like a trauma at the time, was really a blessing in disguise.
I think back on those moments when I was yelling at God and not trusting him and I want to remember. I want to remember it not because I don’t think God can handle it and forgive me (after all, at the end of the book of Job God tells Job’s friends that Job was the only one who represented him accurately) but I want to remember it so I remember to trust him.
I want to remember that even if it doesn’t look like I think it should, God’s plans are never wrong. He never forgets us and he never lets us down.
All of Job’s friends told Job who they thought God was. Job only truly saw who he was when God himself stepped in. So often we look at our circumstances or listen to what others say about God and make a decision about who God is. We don’t experience him for ourselves.
In Job 42:5 Job says “I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes.” The only way to really know God is to find him for ourselves. In that experience, he will be real to us and nothing, not our circumstances or other’s opinions will be able to change our minds.