Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (MSG)
Eleven months ago I came face-to-face with one of the biggest challenges I've ever encountered. I remember distinctly the knot in my stomach for days and the feeling that I was going to lose it and burst into tears at any moment. I was in that state for about 4 days when I woke up one morning with this text in my head. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." I knew that was God saying "Don't freak out. Don't trust what you see. Trust me."
So I began the long, arduous process of learning to trust God more. God is still teaching me this. The challenge I faced eleven months ago is not yet resolved. We've been walking this path for what some days seems like forever. I have days that I call "Some Days Brave." Basically, some days I wake up and say "Yes, I trust you! Let's do this thing." and some days I wake up and say "I can't. Can we go back to the way it was please?"
I can tell you this. As we've walked this path, God and I, he has not failed to provide. It's been super tough and there have been a lot of sacrifices but he has kept his promises. And each time we take a step closer to the edge of the cliff (that's what it feels like) he is there encouraging me to trust him.
For the last week he has been challenging me to take a step closer to the precipice. I have expressed how I think that is totally crazy because it is not logical. It doesn't make any sense to do what he is asking. But today I said "Can you provide a word, something that will help me know this is you?" In my reading, I came across Proverbs 3:5-6 (he's so funny) but in a different version. Notice the line that says "Don't try to figure everything out on your own." Well, that's what I've been doing. Trying it make it look humanly possible. Ha! If it looked humanly possible, it wouldn't be God.
I haven't inched closer to the edge of the cliff yet. I'm still processing but God is talking. And oh by the way, this isn't a cliff for God. It's a flat plain of beautiful green grass with lots of flowers.